i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
