i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
