She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
