shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
