from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
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I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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