I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
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I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
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You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job