This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Don't tell me you're on acid again