I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
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That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
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Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging