just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies