i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.