she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
