so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
