Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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