Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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