Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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