erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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