Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
