You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
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What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
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The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Is that strawberry winking at me??
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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