Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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