Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
