You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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