Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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