is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
