If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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