He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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