The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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