He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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