So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
