How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
