I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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