I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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