So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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