I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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