would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
