i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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