he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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