There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
