i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
