dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
