Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
