I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
