Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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