Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
