I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
