Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Gay?
German.
Pity.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
