she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
