I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
