i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
