Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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