I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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