thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
