oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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