what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
