do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
