Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
