I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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