I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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