so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
