When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
