We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
