he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
