I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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