We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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