I wish I could teleport
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
