my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
