matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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