I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
