we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
