Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
