Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
